Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Why that post about dating & being married got under my skin

Little while ago there was a blog post that came up again and again on facebook - you probably saw it too - it would have been difficult to miss it with it's tabloid worthy catchy title about dating even though being married (written by Jarrid Wilson).

Now, here's the confession. The first time I read it, I thought it was kind of cute. For my sins, I read it again some days later when it popped up on my facebook wall again and this time it annoyed me. A lot. So much so that I thought I'd blog about it. Months later. So here's my well brewed annoyance for you all to read...

Only the problem is, it's difficult to define what annoyed me. In a way I agreed with  the idea of what he was saying - you shouldn't stop having fun together after you get married. Only he called it pursuing each other - maybe it was the lingo he was using that got under my skin.

"Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn’t want to pursue them whole-heartedly." No, I want to be with someone who loves me even when I get out of the bed on the wrong side - especially if the someone brings me a cup of tea! I want him to love me whole-heartedly but at times if I am grumpy it is probably safer for him not to pursue me but to let me find my fun on my own accord!

"Wake up each day and pursue your spouse as if you are still on your first few dates. You will see a drastic change for the better in your relationship." It would actually be nice to wake up, rather than be woken up by the little tap, tap on the shoulder accompanied by a whisper of 'aiti' (mummy). Plus I don't know why you would want to change the sense of oneness that comes from years together to the insecurity of the first few dates! The only drastic change in our relationship following the last date we had was extreme tiredness caused by watching a film (on a school night) at the cinema that finished past our usual bedtime...

The idea of being pursued makes me think of a haunted animal running for their life and being cornered with no escape. I think my school of marriage is more of the be-yourself-and-relax kind of variety. Doing all the fun dating stuff will not bring you closer to your other half unless you are willing to be vulnerable and open.

And actually dating and pursuing your partner are not synonymous unlike the blog seemed to suggest, but that's getting a bit too academic argument so we'll leave it at that.

A very hypocritical part of me felt that he was a bit out of place giving marriage advice after being married less than a year ;) Which is slightly comical as I get annoyed when people don't think my parenting advice is valid because I 'only have one child'. Hey ho. The rant is over.

I'd be interested to hear what you thought when you read the original blog.

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